But it Rained

You are tired after a hard day's work. Yet there is no respite. Wearily you embark on your long commute home. The bus trudges on. Like it is dragging its feet. Seeming to be more tired than you are.

The light is fast fading outside. A big dark cloud hangs in the air. But you have been deceived before. And you won't fall for it again. You feel you are smart enough to call the bluff.

The phone beeps. Message from a dear friend. She is concerned. A rant from some time back is thought by her to signify some sadness within you. She wants to share your story. Make you feel better. Just then on the big window at which you are sitting drops the first big drop. It trickles down along the glass. Pitter patter. Some more drops. Very soon the downpour has began.

You've been bluffed again. But you are happy to lose. You smile. On the inside. In the window you see your half reflected image. Its an image of a man smiling on the outside.

You want to get out of the bus. On to the street. Embrace the heavenly shower. Tightly. So it can never go. Collect the rain in your arms. But you will wait till your stop comes. So you can walk home. Getting drenched.

As you get up from your seat a co-passenger stands up too. You both are united by a common destination. She smiles at you. You smile back. The bus just made a weird noise. And the lips curve only to exchange the bemusement of a shared experience.

You get off the bus. You stare up at the sky. The rain wets your face. You are laughing now. Within. Getting wet. Feeling gay. Some stories need no sharing. Some do. Your walk back in the pouring rain is a story you want to tell.

Morning After

Feeling light. But not necessarily good. Not bad either. Just empty. There are thoughts. But only in the sub-conscious. Mind thinks nothing. The heart knows no feeling. It has been that kind of a morning. After.

The load has been lifted but with it has gone away a part of heart too. Forever.

There is no appetite. For food. Or music.

The mirror reflects back a straight face. The eyes lack lustre while revealing the void within. No there is no knot in the stomach. Just some part inside that doesn't exist anymore.

Want everything to be still. No sound of pin drop. No flutter of the curtains. No movement of the limbs. Only the breath is becoming a spanner in the works.

Reading is meant to bring calm. But how do you quieten silence. Why would you?

Futility of all things prevails and pervades.

There is no beauty in inaction. Neither any in action.

A sound of steady waves emanates from far off. On it is a boat leaving. Or coming ashore. Or bobbing in its place up and down. Don't know.

Writing is revealing. Yet it can conceal so much.

Wishlist

I am putting down a wishlist for the year. No it does not really contain things I 'wish' will happen. In fact they are things I 'want' to do. This list, coming out at a time when almost half of the year is behind us, in fact convinces me that the list is no gimmick like New Year Resolutions are. These things I really want to do. With all my heart and mind.

1. I want to start learning a musical instrument. I'd prefer drums. I may not understand a lot about music but music is very essential to me. It is the drug that keeps me in high spirits day in and day out.
2. I want to do a trip to Germany or if that doesn't work out then a trip to Krabi and to Ladakh.
3. I want to buy a good DSLR camera (preferably Canon EOS 600D). Have for far too long traveled without capturing a single moment. Want to start doing it now.
4. I want get fit. Really fit. No I don't mean I want to do body building. Just get fit. Improve stamina. Cut the flab. Mostly do all that by playing a sport or two. I want to wake up on the first morning of 2012 without a single niggle. And not having to see the doctor for the rest of my life.
5. I want to learn to cook. A few things. Chicken Biryani at least.
6. I want to do Bungee jumping or scuba diving or both.

There are couple of other things that could very well have been on the list. But I can't say with certainty with which I can talk about the above listed things that I really want to do them. I may add them to the list. Later on.