Morning After

Feeling light. But not necessarily good. Not bad either. Just empty. There are thoughts. But only in the sub-conscious. Mind thinks nothing. The heart knows no feeling. It has been that kind of a morning. After.

The load has been lifted but with it has gone away a part of heart too. Forever.

There is no appetite. For food. Or music.

The mirror reflects back a straight face. The eyes lack lustre while revealing the void within. No there is no knot in the stomach. Just some part inside that doesn't exist anymore.

Want everything to be still. No sound of pin drop. No flutter of the curtains. No movement of the limbs. Only the breath is becoming a spanner in the works.

Reading is meant to bring calm. But how do you quieten silence. Why would you?

Futility of all things prevails and pervades.

There is no beauty in inaction. Neither any in action.

A sound of steady waves emanates from far off. On it is a boat leaving. Or coming ashore. Or bobbing in its place up and down. Don't know.

Writing is revealing. Yet it can conceal so much.

Wishlist

I am putting down a wishlist for the year. No it does not really contain things I 'wish' will happen. In fact they are things I 'want' to do. This list, coming out at a time when almost half of the year is behind us, in fact convinces me that the list is no gimmick like New Year Resolutions are. These things I really want to do. With all my heart and mind.

1. I want to start learning a musical instrument. I'd prefer drums. I may not understand a lot about music but music is very essential to me. It is the drug that keeps me in high spirits day in and day out.
2. I want to do a trip to Germany or if that doesn't work out then a trip to Krabi and to Ladakh.
3. I want to buy a good DSLR camera (preferably Canon EOS 600D). Have for far too long traveled without capturing a single moment. Want to start doing it now.
4. I want get fit. Really fit. No I don't mean I want to do body building. Just get fit. Improve stamina. Cut the flab. Mostly do all that by playing a sport or two. I want to wake up on the first morning of 2012 without a single niggle. And not having to see the doctor for the rest of my life.
5. I want to learn to cook. A few things. Chicken Biryani at least.
6. I want to do Bungee jumping or scuba diving or both.

There are couple of other things that could very well have been on the list. But I can't say with certainty with which I can talk about the above listed things that I really want to do them. I may add them to the list. Later on.

Rain Clouds

I like using public transport. At least in Bombay it is the best way to get around. It's cheaper. Faster. Hassle free. Yes the trains can be crowded but once you've figured out the right train and the direction in which masses move during the rush hour you can find for yourself enough space to stand and breathe comfortably.

Few weeks back I was on the bus, like usual, on my way to work. A girl of about 3 years - I figured out from her bag that she must be in Montessori - was sitting on the seat opposite to my with her mom next to her.

Like I have seen with my younger cousins, this little girl too had a hundred questions for her mom. 'Mom, why is this like that?' and such. Only that she seemed exceedingly curious. These new AC buses with their big windows present a rather clear view of things outside the bus.

While passing around one of the corners, the tiny eyes fell on the lone white cloud in the sky, when like bread from the toaster, pop came out a question.

"Mummy, why is this cloud not dark?"

The mom who had so far been earnestly answering all her questions, obliged again. "Because they are not rain clouds."

Unrelenting, the cute small girl inquired further. This time with a question that I am sure is going to remain with me for the rest of my life.

"Mummy, do rain clouds have holes at the bottom from where the rain falls?"

What imagination! I love kids. For this very reason. Their unadulterated view of the world is both charming and inspiring. I always feel that all kids below a certain age are more gifted than the most gifted adults. They look at things around them like an artist. Till education, in the way it is administered today, ruins their capability. Bum Bum Bole from Taare Zameen Par captures exactly this quality of kids. How I wish sometimes I could see the world like they do. It is the only reason I miss being a kid. They say child is a father of man. How true!